Still believing in 3!

The brick walls are there not to keep us out, only to make us realize how much we want something.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Jesse's first Father's Day!

Each day brings wonderment, excitement and extended joy with Jaiden. From the time he awakes in the morning until the time he lays his heavy and I mean heavy head down in his crib.

We have our schedule and for the most part we keep pretty true to it. It seems to make everyone happy and it's easier for all of us. Jaiden usually awakes around 7am or 7:30am always with a big smile. He has a few long naps during the day and as long as we are on schedule he has his last bottle which is his 5th bottle for the day around 7pm or 7:30pm. He is in bed by 8pm.

We have our ritual... I put him down, read him his book, "Goodnight Moon", kiss him goodnight, shut his curtain, turn on his little light, swaddle him( yes he likes to be swaddled...still) give him his Binky, turn on his mobile, kiss him goodnight again and walk out. Asleep he goes...until morning. Sometimes he wakes around 4am for his Binky and then back to sleep until he really wakes up which is around 7am.

Jesse has his morning ritual with him. He feeds him at 7am, sings to him, plays with him and does his guy thing with him. I hear both of them laughing and laughing bringing a huge smile to my face. It is in those moments that the world is simply perfect.

We celebrated Jesse's first Father's Day. Oh how I wanted it to be extra special and apparently I succeeded. I let Jess stay in bed and I fed Jaiden at 7am, and then I brought him into bed with us and we all hung out in the big white puffy cloud. Jesse opened his gifts and Jaiden helped by ripping the paper. How fun is that? The day continued to be so much fun celebrating all day with my parents and then Jesse's parents. At one point in the morning I thought to myself how glorious... Jesse is loving up his little son and by the look in his son's eyes you could tell he was loving up his Daddy. Daddy... what a great word...Jesse is now officially a Daddy. Sometimes I still refer to him as MacDaddy...cause Daddy's got it goin on!

Monday, June 15, 2009

5 MONTH BD

Where has the time gone?...can't believe the last time I wrote Jaiden was just 4 months old and on last Friday he turned 5 months old. He is more delicious than I ever imagined, and I still eat him every chance I get.

This last month has been so much fun. The constant giggling, rolling over, yes he has rolled over from his tummy to his back. Still working on going from his back to his tummy but it ain't easy when you have such a heavy thigh! We bought a Bumbo chair for Jaiden to sit in. The first time we sat him in it, we had to squeeze his left thigh between the leg separator because it would not fit in any other way. The funniest was when we took him out. I picked him up and the chair stuck to his bottom...like glue! We were busting up. He joins us at the dinner table in his big boy chair, sitting up tall, and eye balling us while we stuff our faces. He's going to like food, which we are going to introduce him to next month. Our pediatrician is big on not starting food until 6 months unless the child is having trouble sleeping or needs to gain weight. Thankfully we do not have a problem with either one.

Just the other day, Jaiden found his voice. He will lay on his back and screech as loud and long as he can, and then he waits for us to do it back to him, so he can do it again. We play this over and over again...both Jess and I can't help but crack up. He also gets laughing for a long time, and we laugh with him and just as hard. Thinking about it makes me laugh.

This weekend my dear nephew Zach who was the Jaiden connection was married. We traveled up North for the weekend to celebrate. Zach's Mother-in-law who was also our connection to Jaiden got to see Jaiden and she had not seen him since he was 8 days old. It was wonderful to see the Minnesota bunch. The wedding was absolutely magical...held at the Firestone Winery...and Zach's bride Darcie was stunningly beautiful. Everyone had an amazing time.

Our first overnight weekend with the little guy went very well except for the first night. Not sure if it was completely him, or both he and I. Neither one of us slept very well that night, I guess it took us a day to get into our groove. No one could tell that Jaiden didn't sleep well cause he was as happy as could be, now for me, that's a different story. The bags under my eyes said it all, I tried to cover them up with make-up but not sure it really worked. And the reason I say this is more than one person said to me, " you look tired." Not a good sign.

Each day I fall more deeply in love with little Jaid...how can I love him more than yesterday? I suppose my heart is growing and expanding. Never knew this kind of love before...it's deep, raw, electric, explosive and so much more.

My guess is Jaiden is now close to 22lbs and growing in length for sure. We are not going to a 5 month appointment so I will not get a true weight and length until next month. All I know is that Jaiden is our bundle of joy!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

4 Months Old

Jaiden turned four months old on May 12th...can you believe it? Seems almost impossible!

It came so fast...everyone told us it would go fast and boy were they right.

In the last month we have watched him grow both in size, and developmentally. He now weighs 19lbs 1.4oz and is 26in long. One healthy boy we have! He grabs everything, giggles contagiously for a long time, rolls over on his side but just can't quite get his thigh over, puts everything in his mouth, sizes it up and then squeals. I suppose his squeal length and loudness depends on how much he likes something, because I can not imagine it's for the taste of the plastic, or cloth.

His thighs have gotten much more meatier if that is possible. When he is naked except for his diaper it looks like his diaper is too tight around his thigh because it bulges out the size of an orange. A big yummy extra ball of meat! And what does Mommy do? Eat them, eat them and eat them!

A few weeks ago I told Jess that when we put Jaiden down at night we should just put his passie in and walk away, usually we stay with him for a few minutes until he falls asleep. It was a Thursday night and we both went to put him down, we put his passie in, whispered, "good night, sweet dreams" and left the room. Our hearts tugged a bit wondering if he was thinking, oh sure my parents just walk out on me. We waited and waited anticipating that he would let us know with some kind of vocal opposition that he was not happy...but to our wonderful surprise our little one put himself to sleep without a peep. Of course we were thrilled and still continue this successful routine. However with that said, the week Jaiden was sick he would wake himself up at night coughing and wheezing and I would quickly run in and give him his passie and make sure he was okay. This went on for about 1 1/2 weeks because he was sick. Without realizing it I had created a new routine for my little one which took on a look like this. Sleep by 8pm, wake up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am. Each time he would wake up I would run in and give him his passie and he would go right back to sleep but only for about 1 hour when he would wake up again...can you say Chinese torture? Just when I would fall into a deep sleep I would hear him. We have been working on getting back to sleeping through the night without waking up...we are almost there! I still would not have done anything different when Jaiden was sick. As his Mommy I wanted him to know that I would be there any time any hour.

Jesse and I still can not believe we are home with our 4 month old. Sometimes we'll be sitting in the living room talking or for that matter anywhere talking about how unbelievable it is that we now have a 4 month old.

Believe it or not we still fight over who's changing his diaper and who's feeding him his bottle...both of us loving every minute of it. Jesse and I each have a distinct relationship with Jaiden, and Jaiden knows it. Jesse gets Jaiden laughing and giggling all the time. He flies him around the house in his arms, talking "superhero" language. He bounces him high, and exercises him plenty, you know dude kind of stuff. And I, well I'm sweet, gentle and playful in a girlie kind of way. Jaiden doesn't play favorites he just takes it all in with a smile!

Monday, May 11, 2009

My 1st Mother's Day

How I have longed to celebrate Mother's Day, not because of the special recognition nor the gifts but because it would finally mean that I am a Mommy.


The day was special. As soon as Jesse heard Jaiden he ran to get him and bring him to me in bed. His beautiful flirty eyes penetrated my heart and with his big bright smile he said..."Happy Mother's Day!" For a single minute Jaiden and I connected on a different dimension where he knew that this day symbolically meant more to me than almost any other day. It was a true celebration.

I know this comes as a surprise but I did not buy Jaiden a new outfit for this day (what's wrong with me?), however he wore a onesie that said,"My Mom's tattoo is bigger than yours."

I received an out pour of cards from friends and family in addition to many e-mails and text messages all wishing me a wonderful Mother's Day! Amazing. Don't worry you all, everyone is off the hook next year and the years following. I know it was because it was my 1st!

I even received a text a few days prior to Mother's Day from Kelsie wishing me a Happy almost Mother's Day. I cried. She is really amazing! I thought about her for a long time. Wondering what her heart must feel like on this particular Mother's Day. Was she going to reflect on the positive or settle into a black darkness? I can only hope that her heart was full knowing that the child she gave birth to was in the arms of his Mommy being loved up all day long.

We relished the day in the presence of our Mother's...celebrating.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Aching heart

For the first time my heart aches as a Mommy.

A week or so ago I had the flu that turned into a cold. I actually NEVER get sick, but when I do I go down hard. I was home last Thursday and Friday hardly lifting my head off the pillow.

I tried my hardest not to breath on my beautiful little boy, and not to kiss him for over a week which was pure torture.

Unfortunately the bug that I had I passed onto Jaiden. Last Friday I could hear a slight wheeze and by Saturday he just was not himself. I tried to get him into the see the Doctor on Saturday at the day clinic but they had no appointments. Jess and I had discussed his sickness but at that point decided not to take him to urgent care- to ride it out.

By Sunday night he was coughing so hard it hurt me, and wheezing terribly. My heart ached. I was asthmatic as a child and I know how terrible it feels not to be able to breath. I wanted so badly to comfort him, touching him in a way that my hands covered his weak body as he layed still. I asked the powers that be to please let me take his pain away. With each breath I took standing over him, I tried my hardest to suck the poison out of him...but no luck. He just got worse.

Jesse took him to the Doctors on Monday morning, and thank goodness she did not look at him like why the heck did you not bring him in any earlier. She calmed the parental fear immediately and reassured him that it was a viral infection and not pneumonia. She gave him a breathing treatment and sent him home with a nebulizer which we have been giving him every 4 hours. The first time we gave it to him, the apparatus scared him. I tried to show him what it was all about before putting the mask on him but sadly it was not helpful. We have been giving him breathing treatments for a few days now and it has gotten much easier. He is definitely a trooper and not a cry baby. Yes he cries a little but I would cry too.

This experience has been different than any experience before and I am sure we will have many other new experiences as Mommy andDaddy.

When I came home tonight I could not hold myself back from my sweet boy and kissed him over and over and over again.

Jesse and I put our son down to sleep just a little while ago knowing he is getting better and tomorrow will be a better day!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

3 Months Old

Jaiden woke up a little after 8am and we needed to leave our house by 8:30am to make it to his 3 month Doctors appt. Jesse quickly gave him a bottle and we changed his diaper. We questioned keeping him in his Jammies but did it anyways. We figured how bad could he really smell.
Usually it is playtime after his bottle at this hour but not today he was stuck in his car seat. He was still a good boy.

The nurse escorted us into the examining room, we took his clothes off and quickly put him on the scale. Both of us were anxious to see how much he weighed. A whopping 16lbs 15.4oz, and 24 1/2 in long. Our guess was close so it was not a surprise. When the Doctor walked in she said,"OMG...look at that healthy baby" and then we all laughed. She shared with us that he is in the 95% for his weight and 75% for his length. We have a growing boy on/in our hands I say. She examined him quickly and told us to just keep doing what we are doing.

Jaiden turned 3 months on Sunday. It is unbelievable that we are home now with a 3 month old. When I am talking to people and I tell them I have a 3 month old, as soon as the words come out of my mouth, my heart skips a beat and I have to stop from pinching myself in public. He is our little miracle.

Let me tell you about some more new things Jaiden is doing. He found his hands about a week ago.He brings his fist up to his face and opens his hand and will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth. He doesn't realize how big his hands are! We've definitely have an "oral" child! He wants to put everything in his mouth. It is amazing to watch him have so much control of his arms and hands which seemed to just happen over night. He brings his hands together sometimes as if he is praying and now and then he will interlock them holding each tight. Jaiden now pulls his own little toys down and then releases them so they make a noise as they go up. He plays for a very long time on his favorite Einstein mat exploring every little detail and is great at entertaining himself. The other night after his bottle I had him sitting up on my lap and I was facing the TV. He just sat there with one hand on the arm rest chilling out watching TV for seriously about 1/2 hour. He was mesmerized.He can hold his head up pretty sturdy and gets to giggling really hard on a regular basis. We bought him a bouncer that you hang from the door way. He's too small for it, but we propped him up with a towel behind him so he would sit upright and not lean too forward. He was so funny, touching his tippy toes on the ground and giving himself a push up. He would surprise himself bouncing and we would bust up laughing. His facial expressions said it all.

I know I have mentioned this before but one of my favorite hours of the day is when Jaiden is first waking up. I approach the crib with a "good morning Jaiden" and he instantly looks up at me, smiles and gives himself the biggest stretch I have ever seen. First his left side, then his right side, then his left side again, he rubs his eyes, and arches his back before he is done with his morning ritual. Once he is wide eyed, he cracks another smile and then the talking begins. Oh can he talk, on and on and on. I only wish I could understand what he was saying. I make up in my mind what I think he says and answer him back. Back and forth we go for awhile and ever so often he begins to belly ache laugh. Now that is the BEST...laughing! What a great way to start my day!

Our child care provider is teaching him sign language and before I know it he is going to be telling me he wants his bottle with a hand gesture. Sometimes I think he signs it to me now.

Jesse is teaching him how to count to 2 with his fingers, and we swear he does it..he gives us the "peace" sign! 3 months old and spreading "peace", now that's what I"m talking about!

Each day there is something new. His hair grows a bit, his legs get longer, his eyes get bigger, his laugh gets louder, his clothes size gets bigger...and each day we are so grateful for our child.

I must run and pack my groovy diaper bag because Jess just told me Jaiden's coming to work with me in the morning. YAHOO!

Promise to write again soon.




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Monday, March 30, 2009

BABYLICIOUS!

Today our baby turned 11 weeks old. When I think about it in some ways it has gone by so fast and other ways it seems as if he has been with us forever. We all just fit perfectly together.

I have not mentioned the baby's name because of personal reasons, but starting today he is no longer "the baby" he is JAIDEN! I'm coming out!

My husband chose the name Jaiden for a few reasons. He was sitting at his desk one evening, while I was working on the computer and he turned to me and said, "his name is Jaiden." I have always loved the name Aiden for a boy and the name Jade for a girl, so it worked for me. He said he wanted to honor the birth mother's wishes with the name she gave him, using the J and the D from that name. I loved that my husband was so sensitive to Kelsie. I quickly looked up the name Jaiden. I was joyously surprised that it was a Hebrew name which was very important to us, and then when I read what it meant, instantly I knew this would be our child's name. Jaiden means...God Heard. Now how perfect is that? We really believe this to be true! There was one more hidden sign in his name. There was a J a D an E and an N in the first, middle and last name that his birth mother gave him. A sign fore sure! When I look at our son, the only name that really fits him is Jaiden or Jaide for short.

Every day there is something special that happens, some days many special things happen. Both Jesse and I relish in every moment. If one of us is not around to witness something new we instantly call the other to share the story. Not a day goes by without sharing.

One day we left Jaiden on his "under water sea adventure play mat" (which by the way he loves) and when we returned he had turned himself half way around the mat. We kept looking at each other saying, "did you move him?" Nope neither one of us had moved him, he did it all by himself! The other day Jesse called to say that he had been flaring his nostrils at Jaiden repetitively and Jaiden flared back! I was laughing so hard but was not totally convinced until that night when Jaiden flared for me! It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Sit for a minute and just picture that. He recently learned that if he kicks against something he can move himself. He gets a reaction and boy does that excite him. On Monday he gave me the best birthday gift ever by sleeping 10hrs...I know hard to believe but it is the honest truth. The best part was I never woke up to check on him!

It is truly amazing how much he has changed since the day we met him. For instance he was born with no eye lashes and now they are long, beginning to get full with a curl. I told him, "you're lucky little guy cause you won't have to borrow your Mommy's eyelash curler." He has eyes that twinkle and lashes that flirt.His hands are pudgy and his knuckles have the cutest darn dimples on them that I have ever seen. His thighs are almost the size of a baseball, and I eat them multiple times a day. His hair is beginning to grow back, guessing it is going to brown. It is also worth mentioning that his big toe looks like a thumb! And yes I eat that too!

Jesse and I still love to change his diaper and feed him no matter what time it is. For all of you who said that would get old, it's not. It just gets better. Sometimes I walk past Jaiden's room and I can hear Jesse and him talking. The other morning I stopped to listen and I over heard Jesse say, "I love you Jaiden...I love you Jaiden...then he pronounced every letter of his name...J A I D E N! My heart sang.

Jesse is a remarkable Daddy. Full of love and laughter. He gets down on the ground and interacts with him, making up all kinds of games. He sings and dances with him and is creative in the way he teaches him new things . I am in awe watching him. From the beginning I have always said that Jesse is the "Baby Whisperer" and that's the truth.

I must say that now I have two boys at home. Jaiden is bringing the kid out in Jesse...as if he needed someone to do that. I can see that the future is going to bring fun, fun and more fun.

Get ready Jaiden...Daddy wants to play!