4 Months Old

Jaiden turned four months old on May 12th...can you believe it? Seems almost impossible!

It came so fast...everyone told us it would go fast and boy were they right.

In the last month we have watched him grow both in size, and developmentally. He now weighs 19lbs 1.4oz and is 26in long. One healthy boy we have! He grabs everything, giggles contagiously for a long time, rolls over on his side but just can't quite get his thigh over, puts everything in his mouth, sizes it up and then squeals. I suppose his squeal length and loudness depends on how much he likes something, because I can not imagine it's for the taste of the plastic, or cloth.

His thighs have gotten much more meatier if that is possible. When he is naked except for his diaper it looks like his diaper is too tight around his thigh because it bulges out the size of an orange. A big yummy extra ball of meat! And what does Mommy do? Eat them, eat them and eat them!

A few weeks ago I told Jess that when we put Jaiden down at night we should just put his passie in and walk away, usually we stay with him for a few minutes until he falls asleep. It was a Thursday night and we both went to put him down, we put his passie in, whispered, "good night, sweet dreams" and left the room. Our hearts tugged a bit wondering if he was thinking, oh sure my parents just walk out on me. We waited and waited anticipating that he would let us know with some kind of vocal opposition that he was not happy...but to our wonderful surprise our little one put himself to sleep without a peep. Of course we were thrilled and still continue this successful routine. However with that said, the week Jaiden was sick he would wake himself up at night coughing and wheezing and I would quickly run in and give him his passie and make sure he was okay. This went on for about 1 1/2 weeks because he was sick. Without realizing it I had created a new routine for my little one which took on a look like this. Sleep by 8pm, wake up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am. Each time he would wake up I would run in and give him his passie and he would go right back to sleep but only for about 1 hour when he would wake up again...can you say Chinese torture? Just when I would fall into a deep sleep I would hear him. We have been working on getting back to sleeping through the night without waking up...we are almost there! I still would not have done anything different when Jaiden was sick. As his Mommy I wanted him to know that I would be there any time any hour.

Jesse and I still can not believe we are home with our 4 month old. Sometimes we'll be sitting in the living room talking or for that matter anywhere talking about how unbelievable it is that we now have a 4 month old.

Believe it or not we still fight over who's changing his diaper and who's feeding him his bottle...both of us loving every minute of it. Jesse and I each have a distinct relationship with Jaiden, and Jaiden knows it. Jesse gets Jaiden laughing and giggling all the time. He flies him around the house in his arms, talking "superhero" language. He bounces him high, and exercises him plenty, you know dude kind of stuff. And I, well I'm sweet, gentle and playful in a girlie kind of way. Jaiden doesn't play favorites he just takes it all in with a smile!

My 1st Mother's Day

How I have longed to celebrate Mother's Day, not because of the special recognition nor the gifts but because it would finally mean that I am a Mommy.


The day was special. As soon as Jesse heard Jaiden he ran to get him and bring him to me in bed. His beautiful flirty eyes penetrated my heart and with his big bright smile he said..."Happy Mother's Day!" For a single minute Jaiden and I connected on a different dimension where he knew that this day symbolically meant more to me than almost any other day. It was a true celebration.

I know this comes as a surprise but I did not buy Jaiden a new outfit for this day (what's wrong with me?), however he wore a onesie that said,"My Mom's tattoo is bigger than yours."

I received an out pour of cards from friends and family in addition to many e-mails and text messages all wishing me a wonderful Mother's Day! Amazing. Don't worry you all, everyone is off the hook next year and the years following. I know it was because it was my 1st!

I even received a text a few days prior to Mother's Day from Kelsie wishing me a Happy almost Mother's Day. I cried. She is really amazing! I thought about her for a long time. Wondering what her heart must feel like on this particular Mother's Day. Was she going to reflect on the positive or settle into a black darkness? I can only hope that her heart was full knowing that the child she gave birth to was in the arms of his Mommy being loved up all day long.

We relished the day in the presence of our Mother's...celebrating.

Aching heart

For the first time my heart aches as a Mommy.

A week or so ago I had the flu that turned into a cold. I actually NEVER get sick, but when I do I go down hard. I was home last Thursday and Friday hardly lifting my head off the pillow.

I tried my hardest not to breath on my beautiful little boy, and not to kiss him for over a week which was pure torture.

Unfortunately the bug that I had I passed onto Jaiden. Last Friday I could hear a slight wheeze and by Saturday he just was not himself. I tried to get him into the see the Doctor on Saturday at the day clinic but they had no appointments. Jess and I had discussed his sickness but at that point decided not to take him to urgent care- to ride it out.

By Sunday night he was coughing so hard it hurt me, and wheezing terribly. My heart ached. I was asthmatic as a child and I know how terrible it feels not to be able to breath. I wanted so badly to comfort him, touching him in a way that my hands covered his weak body as he layed still. I asked the powers that be to please let me take his pain away. With each breath I took standing over him, I tried my hardest to suck the poison out of him...but no luck. He just got worse.

Jesse took him to the Doctors on Monday morning, and thank goodness she did not look at him like why the heck did you not bring him in any earlier. She calmed the parental fear immediately and reassured him that it was a viral infection and not pneumonia. She gave him a breathing treatment and sent him home with a nebulizer which we have been giving him every 4 hours. The first time we gave it to him, the apparatus scared him. I tried to show him what it was all about before putting the mask on him but sadly it was not helpful. We have been giving him breathing treatments for a few days now and it has gotten much easier. He is definitely a trooper and not a cry baby. Yes he cries a little but I would cry too.

This experience has been different than any experience before and I am sure we will have many other new experiences as Mommy andDaddy.

When I came home tonight I could not hold myself back from my sweet boy and kissed him over and over and over again.

Jesse and I put our son down to sleep just a little while ago knowing he is getting better and tomorrow will be a better day!