Kelsie turned 17 on Feb 12th. She is a remarkable young girl with so much potential. In the small amount of time that she has been on earth she has endured many challenges and has risen above them. She is wise beyond her years, and savvy in ways only adults understand.
The instant we met I felt a connection. Kelsie is not an over affectionate young girl, and behind that you can feel a sense of not wanting to be disappointed. She is quite guarded and rightfully so, as anyone of us would be had we walked in her shoes.
If you dig deep enough the warmth and love will catch you by surprise. She is raw at times exposing herself, although she never wears it on her sleeve.
I admire her in ways I never knew were possible. Not only is she smart, charming, loving, and mature. She is not afraid to talk about what she feels, which for the most part I have found quite unusual for a 16 now 17 year old. She is brave like only a few I have known, and she is more giving than most of us will ever be.
I don't expect her to understand completely what she has given us, but one day she will. As much as she has given us I do feel we all needed each other equally. It was a perfect match.
Kelsie deserves to have someone encouraging her to be the best she can be, and to give her guidance. She is exceptionally bright and with direction I know she will find her way.
I am profoundly proud of Kelsie and the decision she made just weeks ago to place her child with us. She has given not only us the gift of life, but she has given life to our son. Ultimately by making this decision she has also given life to herself. My hope is that she slowly spreads her wings and allows them to take her on a successful flight. One that her biological son would be proud of.
Today and everyday that follows our hearts will be connected with Kelsie's and we will hold so close to us the remarkable young girl that gave us life.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
1 month old today
Our beautiful son is one month old today. Unbelievable.
It was only 21 weeks ago that we returned home from the Ukraine devastated. At that point being a parent was a dream that had been shattered. Although in our hearts we believed that it was all going to work out somehow. And here we are today, in our home with a 1 month old.
It is magical what he brings to us. Believe it or not, I have been told recently that I am more gentle more patient and less aggressive. For those of you that know me I am always on...focused...with a mission.
I take it as a compliment.
I have settled into a very flexible routine dictated by the little one. Funny to think that sometimes there are dishes in the sink, and occasionally our bed might not be made, and it's okay. He is giving us permission to forgo the structure and be in the moment. Without hesitation we gladly are taking on the new lifestyle...and it feels wonderful.
In the past month we have changed more diapers than ever before, we have been awaken by the sound of a crying baby, we have stayed awake in the wee hours soothing our child, we have eaten dinner separately in order to feed the little one, and we have shopped in the formula/diaper isle at the grocery store, (used to always skip that isle) . Just a few of the new things we have done in the past month and grateful for the experience.
Today is a very special day- it is Kelsie's 17th birthday. I will dedicate my next blog to her.
I'll write soon- Mommy hears the baby cooing and I don't want to miss it!
It was only 21 weeks ago that we returned home from the Ukraine devastated. At that point being a parent was a dream that had been shattered. Although in our hearts we believed that it was all going to work out somehow. And here we are today, in our home with a 1 month old.
It is magical what he brings to us. Believe it or not, I have been told recently that I am more gentle more patient and less aggressive. For those of you that know me I am always on...focused...with a mission.
I take it as a compliment.
I have settled into a very flexible routine dictated by the little one. Funny to think that sometimes there are dishes in the sink, and occasionally our bed might not be made, and it's okay. He is giving us permission to forgo the structure and be in the moment. Without hesitation we gladly are taking on the new lifestyle...and it feels wonderful.
In the past month we have changed more diapers than ever before, we have been awaken by the sound of a crying baby, we have stayed awake in the wee hours soothing our child, we have eaten dinner separately in order to feed the little one, and we have shopped in the formula/diaper isle at the grocery store, (used to always skip that isle) . Just a few of the new things we have done in the past month and grateful for the experience.
Today is a very special day- it is Kelsie's 17th birthday. I will dedicate my next blog to her.
I'll write soon- Mommy hears the baby cooing and I don't want to miss it!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Our Miracle
2 days ago our son turned 4 weeks old. Boy did that go fast. Each day we relish in this miracle, as we watch him change, learn, and interact with us.
For the most part he drinks a 4 oz bottle every 2-3 hours, plays for awhile, and sleeps. He definately knows when it is night time, the feedings are less, and he goes right back to sleep without a peep...okay well sometimes there is a peep.
The baby has been sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, and when he wakes at night to feed, I take him in his room so that I don't wake Jess up.
On Monday morning at his 4am feeding I laid him down for the first time in his newly built crib for 1 minute so I could wet a wash cloth. When I returned in less than a minute he was sound asleep. No sheet, no bedding, just our beautiful son in his crib...sleeping! Sounds to me like he likes his crib. I woke this morning to find him talking to himself, just checking out the scenery. I was so amused that I just stood there listening, trying to figure out what he was saying. To the best of my deciphering skills I would say he he was trying to tell me how happy he is.
The three of us are now a family. Family has always been extremely important to me. The unit in which one grows and learns. I grew up in a wonderful family with 3 sisters of whom one is my twin, and two extraordinary people who I call my parents. My parents instilled in us to always be our best. To recognize and embrace the differences we all have. They exposed us to different cultures, different types of people, and more importantly they taught us that each of us could make a difference.
It was never an unusual thought for me to adopt a child. I never questioned what my love for an adopted child would be like. In my heart I always knew my child whether he came from my tummy or not would be mine and that I would love him unconditionally and protect him always.
We have already started to talk to our son about his adoption. There are many different philosophy's on how and when to approach the subject. For Jess and I it feels natural to simply talk about it. Our feelings are that if we give him the pieces of the puzzle to put together he will be less likely to imagine and create ideas about his adoption. We intend to give him as much information as he needs.
I want my child to grow up feeling proud of his adopted status. I want him to positively identify himself as our child. To teach others whose shallow thinking may inhibit them from extending themselves wholeheartedly. I want my son to move gracefully among people's prejudices. I will prepare him for a world where not everyone may see him this way. But one thing is foresure he will always be our child!
Our son has already taught us tremendous lessons about believing, about love, hope and about dreaming. Lessons that one day we will teach him.
It's great to be Mommy and Daddy!
For the most part he drinks a 4 oz bottle every 2-3 hours, plays for awhile, and sleeps. He definately knows when it is night time, the feedings are less, and he goes right back to sleep without a peep...okay well sometimes there is a peep.
The baby has been sleeping in a bassinet next to our bed, and when he wakes at night to feed, I take him in his room so that I don't wake Jess up.
On Monday morning at his 4am feeding I laid him down for the first time in his newly built crib for 1 minute so I could wet a wash cloth. When I returned in less than a minute he was sound asleep. No sheet, no bedding, just our beautiful son in his crib...sleeping! Sounds to me like he likes his crib. I woke this morning to find him talking to himself, just checking out the scenery. I was so amused that I just stood there listening, trying to figure out what he was saying. To the best of my deciphering skills I would say he he was trying to tell me how happy he is.
The three of us are now a family. Family has always been extremely important to me. The unit in which one grows and learns. I grew up in a wonderful family with 3 sisters of whom one is my twin, and two extraordinary people who I call my parents. My parents instilled in us to always be our best. To recognize and embrace the differences we all have. They exposed us to different cultures, different types of people, and more importantly they taught us that each of us could make a difference.
It was never an unusual thought for me to adopt a child. I never questioned what my love for an adopted child would be like. In my heart I always knew my child whether he came from my tummy or not would be mine and that I would love him unconditionally and protect him always.
We have already started to talk to our son about his adoption. There are many different philosophy's on how and when to approach the subject. For Jess and I it feels natural to simply talk about it. Our feelings are that if we give him the pieces of the puzzle to put together he will be less likely to imagine and create ideas about his adoption. We intend to give him as much information as he needs.
I want my child to grow up feeling proud of his adopted status. I want him to positively identify himself as our child. To teach others whose shallow thinking may inhibit them from extending themselves wholeheartedly. I want my son to move gracefully among people's prejudices. I will prepare him for a world where not everyone may see him this way. But one thing is foresure he will always be our child!
Our son has already taught us tremendous lessons about believing, about love, hope and about dreaming. Lessons that one day we will teach him.
It's great to be Mommy and Daddy!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Finally 3
WHOO HOO- It is official- we have a son!
How long have we wanted to be 3? Years. Our adoption process began in the parking lot of Kaiser hospital on a warm afternoon in 2004. A day I will never forget...the day we knew we would never be pregnant.
Since that time we have put our efforts towards adopting a child, without ever dreaming it would take us so long to find our son. I never imagined our child to be a newborn, my idea was different. Now I can not imagine missing out on the first 21days of our sons life. It has been wondrous.
As I said before the brick walls are not there to keep us out just to show us how much we want something. And boy did we want a child. For those of you that have followed our journey you know how many walls we hit along the way. I can honestly say that every wall was worth the last 21 days!
Both Jess and I woke up this morning feeling completely uneasy. Of all days we wanted this day to pass quickly, but each hour seemed to drag on. I kept myself busy doing things around the house and tried not to look at the clock every five minutes. At a few different times during the day my heart began to race uncontrollably as if I was going to have a panic attack. Somehow I talked myself into a normal breathing pattern and became calm.
It was around 4:30 when we received a message from Deb in Minnesota saying, "congratulations, it's official." For some reason we thought we needed to wait until midnight tonight for it to be official, but thank goodness we were wrong. Kelsie had up until 4:30pm Minnesota time today to change her mind. What an incredible gift this young girl has given us...our gift to her will be that we raise a productive, responsible, loving human being.
Again I am reminded of the pieces of the puzzle that had to come together to make this all happen...it is a miracle!
Jesse and I are resonating in the powerful exchange of life. An abundance of deep emotions surfacing. The three of us will now embark on this new journey together.
Thanks to all of you across the US who helped to manifest the positive energy that carried us to this point. Believing that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to.
Going to smooch the baby and squeeze my husband and tell him how thankful I am of him that he never gave up, even after his heart was broken.
I will write again soon- so much to say- All our love
How long have we wanted to be 3? Years. Our adoption process began in the parking lot of Kaiser hospital on a warm afternoon in 2004. A day I will never forget...the day we knew we would never be pregnant.
Since that time we have put our efforts towards adopting a child, without ever dreaming it would take us so long to find our son. I never imagined our child to be a newborn, my idea was different. Now I can not imagine missing out on the first 21days of our sons life. It has been wondrous.
As I said before the brick walls are not there to keep us out just to show us how much we want something. And boy did we want a child. For those of you that have followed our journey you know how many walls we hit along the way. I can honestly say that every wall was worth the last 21 days!
Both Jess and I woke up this morning feeling completely uneasy. Of all days we wanted this day to pass quickly, but each hour seemed to drag on. I kept myself busy doing things around the house and tried not to look at the clock every five minutes. At a few different times during the day my heart began to race uncontrollably as if I was going to have a panic attack. Somehow I talked myself into a normal breathing pattern and became calm.
It was around 4:30 when we received a message from Deb in Minnesota saying, "congratulations, it's official." For some reason we thought we needed to wait until midnight tonight for it to be official, but thank goodness we were wrong. Kelsie had up until 4:30pm Minnesota time today to change her mind. What an incredible gift this young girl has given us...our gift to her will be that we raise a productive, responsible, loving human being.
Again I am reminded of the pieces of the puzzle that had to come together to make this all happen...it is a miracle!
Jesse and I are resonating in the powerful exchange of life. An abundance of deep emotions surfacing. The three of us will now embark on this new journey together.
Thanks to all of you across the US who helped to manifest the positive energy that carried us to this point. Believing that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to.
Going to smooch the baby and squeeze my husband and tell him how thankful I am of him that he never gave up, even after his heart was broken.
I will write again soon- so much to say- All our love
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Almost there!
The past week has been wonderful. We are settling into a routine and loving every moment of it. Up until this point not sure what I imagined it to be like, but it is better than anything I have ever experienced.
The other afternoon the baby fell asleep on me and quietly I feel into a deep sleep. The feel of his newborn skin against mine, the fresh smell of his scent softly creeping into my nose, the grip of his hand around my finger, all of it transcending me adrift on a cloud. No worries, not a single stress, just he and I floating together somewhere in another dimension. I awoke hours later to find his hand still wrapped around my finger, and his sweet body sprawled out sideways on my chest. It just doesn't get better than that.
For so long Jess and I dreamed about our little one and had no idea that in just a few weeks our hearts would be so fulfilled.
We have visited with Grandparents quite a bit this last week and it is pure joy to watch a different generation and their magical reaction to the baby.
I did not write much this past week mainly because I have been holding my breath and simply praying that Feb 2nd will come and go very quickly. Jess and I are so anxious to be able to fully BREATH!
Thankfully we have wonderful friends who have channeled positive energy across the US. Collectively we are going to make this happen!
Moments ago I heard the baby crying and within minutes he stopped. I must admit Jesse is the "Baby Whisperer." How lucky am I?
More soon-
The other afternoon the baby fell asleep on me and quietly I feel into a deep sleep. The feel of his newborn skin against mine, the fresh smell of his scent softly creeping into my nose, the grip of his hand around my finger, all of it transcending me adrift on a cloud. No worries, not a single stress, just he and I floating together somewhere in another dimension. I awoke hours later to find his hand still wrapped around my finger, and his sweet body sprawled out sideways on my chest. It just doesn't get better than that.
For so long Jess and I dreamed about our little one and had no idea that in just a few weeks our hearts would be so fulfilled.
We have visited with Grandparents quite a bit this last week and it is pure joy to watch a different generation and their magical reaction to the baby.
I did not write much this past week mainly because I have been holding my breath and simply praying that Feb 2nd will come and go very quickly. Jess and I are so anxious to be able to fully BREATH!
Thankfully we have wonderful friends who have channeled positive energy across the US. Collectively we are going to make this happen!
Moments ago I heard the baby crying and within minutes he stopped. I must admit Jesse is the "Baby Whisperer." How lucky am I?
More soon-
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