Aching heart

For the first time my heart aches as a Mommy.

A week or so ago I had the flu that turned into a cold. I actually NEVER get sick, but when I do I go down hard. I was home last Thursday and Friday hardly lifting my head off the pillow.

I tried my hardest not to breath on my beautiful little boy, and not to kiss him for over a week which was pure torture.

Unfortunately the bug that I had I passed onto Jaiden. Last Friday I could hear a slight wheeze and by Saturday he just was not himself. I tried to get him into the see the Doctor on Saturday at the day clinic but they had no appointments. Jess and I had discussed his sickness but at that point decided not to take him to urgent care- to ride it out.

By Sunday night he was coughing so hard it hurt me, and wheezing terribly. My heart ached. I was asthmatic as a child and I know how terrible it feels not to be able to breath. I wanted so badly to comfort him, touching him in a way that my hands covered his weak body as he layed still. I asked the powers that be to please let me take his pain away. With each breath I took standing over him, I tried my hardest to suck the poison out of him...but no luck. He just got worse.

Jesse took him to the Doctors on Monday morning, and thank goodness she did not look at him like why the heck did you not bring him in any earlier. She calmed the parental fear immediately and reassured him that it was a viral infection and not pneumonia. She gave him a breathing treatment and sent him home with a nebulizer which we have been giving him every 4 hours. The first time we gave it to him, the apparatus scared him. I tried to show him what it was all about before putting the mask on him but sadly it was not helpful. We have been giving him breathing treatments for a few days now and it has gotten much easier. He is definitely a trooper and not a cry baby. Yes he cries a little but I would cry too.

This experience has been different than any experience before and I am sure we will have many other new experiences as Mommy andDaddy.

When I came home tonight I could not hold myself back from my sweet boy and kissed him over and over and over again.

Jesse and I put our son down to sleep just a little while ago knowing he is getting better and tomorrow will be a better day!